


The literal other half

by krissyxlove



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Phil Lester, M/M, Phanfiction, Sad Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 07:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12907341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krissyxlove/pseuds/krissyxlove
Summary: What happens when someone’s literal other half if taken from them?





	The literal other half

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, I just want to say I am sorry ahead of time. I had a dream a few weeks ago that was harrowing to say the least and basically this is the result of it! if you don’t like discussion of death or mourning, this isn’t for you!

When I woke up this morning I was cold and alone, the urge to remain in bed was overpowering every thought. It almost felt as if I was being held down by force except in reality the only thing holding me back...was my own mind. 

Finally pulling myself out of bed I look in the mirror and grimace at the reflection. I haven’t shaved in a whole week nor have I slept very well. My eyes are sunken and my skin is so pale I may actually be able to pass off as a corpse myself. Nightmares have been the worst part of this all and have been invading me in my sleep every night. What used to be considered a blissful, happy dream is now just a horror show because every time I close my eyes, I see yours and the life that used to be in them.

How did this happen? How did I get here-like this....how did I end up alone. 

Alone. 

That word burns every fibre of of my being and rips apart my entire soul. It feels like my entire world was just burned to the ground as everyone around me is just laughing. Maybe that is because the one person I actually loved was taken from me and the world is still moving on. Funny how they always say life moves on...I feel like mine is at a stand still and I am now just an outsider- looking in. 

Everyone expects me to smile and be as cheerful as I always have been but how can I be? The reason I was so happy, the reason I was always able to push through anything, and make others happy as well was because- well, it was because I had you. Imagine seeing everyone mourning by sharing every good memory they have meanwhile I am sat here in -our- home as those supposed ‘good memories’ eat me alive. Everyone who reaches out to me and sympathizes just gets a beastly reply in return because if I am being honest, I don’t even know who I am anymore without you. 

Can anyone else even relate to me? Can anyone else truly say they know what it’s like? They all tell me you are in a better place meanwhile I am sat here living through hell on earth. 

“Smile Phil, he would want you to.” Those words resonate in my mind as i scoff at the voice inside my mind. Yeah, sure, he would want me to smile but how can I when he was the reason behind it? Whenever I would smile he would as well, but this time I know I won’t see dimples in return. 

Eventually I manage to pull myself together. I strighten my tie and look at my reflection. A box in the corner of Dan’s room catches my eye, I already know what it is and I know it will hurt, but I open it anyway. 

‘question: why do you always draw cat whiskers on your face’

I chuckle a little as tears fill my eyes and memories flood my brain.

“sentimental bastard.”


End file.
